MLP/Ponyfinder Crossover

Drawings, Music, and other related pony things
Alzrius
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Re: MLP/Ponyfinder Crossover

Postby Alzrius » Sun Feb 22, 2015 4:34 pm

Presumably it'd be helpful, and not control-freakish, if we had a character sheet for our OC? :crazy:

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David
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Re: MLP/Ponyfinder Crossover

Postby David » Sun Feb 22, 2015 4:57 pm

All the other characters have sheets, so why not?!

Houshou
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Re: MLP/Ponyfinder Crossover

Postby Houshou » Wed Mar 18, 2015 1:58 pm

NaNoWriMo much?

I jest... When this semester is out, i'll sit down and read it. Everyone here keeps saying it's good.

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David
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Re: MLP/Ponyfinder Crossover

Postby David » Wed Mar 18, 2015 3:54 pm

I have crushed NanoWrimo, with its puny goal of 1334 words! I write at least 2k... per fic, and have been doing multiple chapters on my awful self-insert lately, clocking in around 6-8k words a day. Muahahahaha

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Dragonflame
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Re: MLP/Ponyfinder Crossover

Postby Dragonflame » Thu Mar 19, 2015 9:38 am

You're in Fimfic's featured box! Congrats! :D

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David
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Re: MLP/Ponyfinder Crossover

Postby David » Thu Mar 19, 2015 9:45 am

We pop up into the #10 spot once in a while, all the joy.

If only EQD liked it.

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Dragonflame
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Re: MLP/Ponyfinder Crossover

Postby Dragonflame » Sun Apr 05, 2015 12:13 pm

David wrote:We pop up into the #10 spot once in a while, all the joy.

If only EQD liked it.


Did they give a reason why they couldn't accept it yet, or did you send it after they stopped doing full reviews due to too many submissions/not enough staff?

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David
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Re: MLP/Ponyfinder Crossover

Postby David » Sun Apr 05, 2015 1:02 pm

They don't like the starting chapters.

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Dragonflame
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Re: MLP/Ponyfinder Crossover

Postby Dragonflame » Sun Apr 05, 2015 1:59 pm

David wrote:They don't like the starting chapters.


I'm getting the feeling you'd rather not say what the problem was.

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David
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Re: MLP/Ponyfinder Crossover

Postby David » Sun Apr 05, 2015 2:15 pm

Thank you for submitting your story to Equestria Daily, but, unfortunately, I cannot recommend posting it. Due to the high volume of stories we receive on a daily basis, we cannot give specific feedback on why. Our Editor’s Omnibus contains a thorough list of the issues we look for in our reviews, and also contains resources for finding proofreaders and editors. Give it a look and ask the linked reviewing groups for help, as they will go a long way toward improving your writing! This is not a strike.

I'm still seeing lots of instances of the narrator stepping in to feed me conclusions that would be much more powerful if left for the reader to reason out. From just the first few pages, examples include:
>She did not realize that her complaining had already perverted her spell.//
>trusting it to wait for her as she descended the stairs.//
>Spike blushed with pride//

I'm also still seeing missed line breaks for paragraphing, word repetition, typos... and the narration tends to be very factual. It lists action after action without spending much time relating how the characters react to what's going on around them. That leaves it feeling pretty detached from them, aside from those too-blunt statement where an emotion is directly identified. There are times you do it right, like this:
>She settled into her usual spot and raised an eyebrow at the dragon,//
Here, you create something I can visualize in my head and read the emotions from how they act, even though you never said what they were. I honestly can't tell if you edited this at all since the last time. The dates on your chapters say you haven't, but I don't know if those are accurate.

Sincerely,
Pre-reader 63.546


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