Revised Core Book

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Sapare
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Re: Revised Core Book

Postby Sapare » Wed Jan 17, 2018 9:23 pm

I would be honored to be credited in the book, but of course it isn't necessary. As for the name I would pref to be credit under, I generally prefer to go by the name of Sapare. However, if an "online handle" would look bad as a credit in a book like this, you can use my real name of Lukas Stoll. A mixture like Lukas "Sapare" Stoll could also work, but that might be over doing it.

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David
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Re: Revised Core Book

Postby David » Wed Jan 17, 2018 9:34 pm

It is done!

Sapare
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Re: Revised Core Book

Postby Sapare » Thu Jan 18, 2018 12:20 pm

Alright, I am skipping out on some sleep but finally ready to post the 2nd day of notes:

Page 41 Purrsian Formatting:
Fey(feline) / Purrsian: Purrsians are fey with the purrsian subtype.

Medium: Purrsians are medium size and gain no bonuses or penalties due to their size. / Medium: Purrsians are Medium creatures and have no bonuses or penalties due to their size.

Fast Speed: Purrsians have a base speed of 40 feet and a bipedal speed of 30 feet./ Quick-Footed: Purrsians have a base speed of 40 feet (30 feet bipedal).

Interestingly this actually shows what I was saying earlier about the Unique Destiny Trait having same name but being different traits. Here the name was changed just because Purrsians have 10 more bipedal speed.

Winged: Purrsians have a fly speed of 30 feet with clumsy maneuverability. This is natural flight. Fly becomes a class skill


Should instead be:
Purrsian Wings: Purrsians have a fly speed of 30 feet (clumsy) while they are not wearing medium or heavy armor.

(I did not do the normal left/right is that the Races of Everglow book forgot to mention the armor restrictions and as such I used pegasi entry as a reference.)

Fanged: Purrsians have a bite attack that deals 1d3 damage. / Fanged: Purrsians gain a bite attack as a primary natural attack that deals 1d3 bludgeoning, slashing, and piercing damage.

Quadruped: Due to being four-legged, purrsians receive +4 racial bonus to their Combat Maneuver Defense against trip attacks and +50% carrying capacity. / Four-Legged: Purrsians gain a +4 racial bonus to CMD against trip attempts and increase their carrying capacity by +50%. They have forelegs instead of arms.

Page 42 Purrsian Feats:

Shaprened Ckaws[Combat]pened Claws [Combat]
While many purrsians save their claws for work or display
of their wealth, you keep yours honed for use in battle. What
use is treasure if you are slain?
Prerequisite: Purrsian
Benefit: You gain two claw attacks that deal 1d4
damage


Benefit should instead read as:

You gain two natural secondary claw attacks that deal 1d4 bludgeoning and slashing damage.


Page 43 Steelheart:

This is stated in the Core Book: "Bloodshed and dismantlement persisted fifteen months."

This is stated under Steelheart in the Races of Everglow book: "The war only lasted about a year and a half, starting in summer IC 3 and ending in the winter of the next year."

I do not consider this inconsistency that big a deal because the different chapters tend to be written from the POV of the race/faction, so I assume it is just interpretation of the same facts, but I will leave it here in case it simply is a slipup.

Type: Half-Construct, Fey/ Steelheart: Steelhearts are fey with the steelheart subtype.

Medium: Steelhearts are medium size and gain no bonuses or penalties due to their size. / Medium: Steelhearts are Medium creatures and have no bonuses or penalties due to their size.

Normal Speed: Steelhearts have a base speed of 30 feet, and a bipedal speed of 20 feet. / Normal Speed: Steelhearts have a base speed of 30 feet (20 feet bipedal).

Conductive: Steelhearts have electricity resistance 5. / Conductive: Steelhearts gain electricity resistance 5.

Fingerless: See fingerless rules. / Fingerless: See fingerless rules on page 9.

Quadruped: Due to being four-legged, steelhearts receive +4 racial bonus to their Combat Maneuver Defense against trip attacks and +50% carrying capacity. / Four-Legged: Steelhearts gain a +4 racial bonus to CMD against trip attempts and increase their carrying capacity by +50%. They have forelegs instead of arms.

If I am not mistaking the Steelhearts are actually one races that needed the least rewritten after core book. Though I wish to point out that the order in which the race Traits are listed is quite different between Core and Races of Everglow. Not as bad as with the Griffon book, but it could get steeled out.

Page 44 Steelheart feats:


Iron Hoof[Combat]

Benefit: You gain a primary hoof attack that deals 1d4 damage.
Special: This feat can be taken twice, gaining two hoof attacks.

This one needs some clarification work. There is the obvious things like defining the damage type and attack type. But I was doing that and ran into the problem that hoof attacks are usually assumed to be secondary attacks. This would not technically be as problem if you only pick the skill once because if you only have one natural attack it automatically becomes primary.(and if used with a weapon it becomes secondary, so I can't think of a case it would conflict) However, do to the ability to select a 2nd hoof attack it becomes confusing, would that turn both into secondary attacks(and as such making the feat kinda awkward) or are both primary?

Page 45 Suncats:

Type: Fey(feline) / Sun Cat: Sun cats are fey with the sun cat subtype.

Medium: Sun cats are medium size and gain no bonuses or penalties due to their size.

Should Read:

Medium: Sun cats are Medium creatures and have no bonuses or penalties due to size.

Fast Speed: Sun cats have a base speed of 40 feet, and a bipedal speed of 20 feet. / Quick: Sun cats have a base speed of 40 feet (20 feet bipedal).

Fangs: Sun cats have a bite that deals 1d3 damage. / Fangs: Sun cats gain a bite attack as a primary natural attack that deals 1d3 bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing damage.

Claws: Sun cats have two claw attacks that deal 1d4 damage each. / Claws: Sun cats gain two claw attacks as secondary attacks that deal 1d4 bludgeoning and slashing damage.

Quadruped: Due to being four-legged, sun cats receive +4 racial bonus to their Combat Maneuver Defense against trip attacks and +50% carrying capacity. / Four-Legged: Sun cats gain a +4 racial bonus to CMD against trip attempts and increase their carrying capacity by +50%. They have forelegs instead of arms.

Page 48 Blaze:
There are a lot of differences to the in the "formatting" between the core book and PLG(Princess Luminance's Guide) but I assume that a lot of that is simply not wishing to overload the core book with info(such as Obedience, Witch patrons, inquistion and so forth). As such I will NOT be posting all of those unlike with the race Traits. I will however post the specific sections if they have changed internally, as I don't think that is correct. However, I might be wrong on the domain front as I barely understand how those work.

Domains: Fire, Evil, Destruction, Rage, Fear, Ferocity, War / Domains: Chaos, Destruction, Evil, Fire, War Subdomains: Fear, Ferocity, Hatred, Rage, Tactics, Thirst

Holy Symbol: An immolated pony. / Holy Symbol: A pony set on fire, typically in orange and red if colored.


(Note, I won't "correct" Kara here because of the nature of her absence from PLG)

Page 49 Moon Princess:
Favored Weapon: Striking Horseshoes(Humanoid worshippers may employ spiked knuckles) / Favored Weapon: Striking horseshoes/Spiked Knuckles (treat as a dagger that can’t be disarmed)


Domains: Darkness, Knowledge, Void, Loyalty, Smoke / Domains: Darkness, Knowledge, Law, Protection, Void
Subdomains: Defense, Loyalty, Moon, Smoke, Stars


Princess Luminace:
Domains: Friendship, Magic, Knowledge, Protection, Good, Rune / Domains: Good, Knowledge, Law, Magic, Protection
Subdomains: Education, Friendship, Leadership, Memory, Purity, Redemption

Page 50 Shiela the Author :

Domains: Luck, Fate, Rune, Language, Magic, Arcane / Domains: Knowledge, Luck, Magic, Rune, Travel
Subdomains: Arcane, Fate, Language, Legend, Memory, Thought


Sun Queen:

Domains: Sun, Community, Nobility, Travel, Trickery / Domains: Community, Good, Nobility, Sun, Trickery
Subdomains: Aristocracy, Cooperation, Day, Exploration, Light, Redemption


Page 51 Night Mare:
Domains: Evil, Tyranny, Loyalty, Nightmare, Stars, Fear / Domains: Evil, Darkness, Law, Nobility, Strength
Subdomains: Fear, Loyalty, Night, Nightmare, Stars, Tyranny

Unspoken:

Domains: Chaos, Entropy, Whimsy, Curse, Madness, Insanity, Deception / Domains: Chaos, Liberation, Luck, Madness, Trickery Subdomains: Catastrophe, Curse, Deception, Entropy, Insanity, Whimsy


Page 54:

While the table is functional, if it is not a lot of work there would be no harm to update it to the style of Tribes of Everglow, being it looks better.

Also, I did not expect myself to find any mistakes going through it, but I did, so yay:

Ponykind, Ghost, female 3 ft. 7 in. 250 lbs. 3d6 ×1 lbs.

This should be 150 lbs if the Tribes of Eeverglow table is correct.(and unless female ghost ponies are all very chubby compared to their male counterparts, I assume it is)

The Races of Everglow does not seem to hold any of these charts(even for races newly introduced) so I don't have anything to compare the non pony races to, but the above was the only mistake I could find.

Page 57:

[I believe I asked about this before but it seems a good time to bring it up once more.

I do not really feel that Realistic Deficiencies as explored in this book well, here is why:
The Realistic Deficiencies rule states this:

"Holding an object in mouth increases arcane spell failure by 20%."

I always found that idea weird. Normally arcane spell failure is tied to the Somatic component, but this rule implies that arcane spell failure is occurring because of the Verbal component.(Which, makes it function like "Deafened")

I would at very least argue that the 20% fail rate should be tied to any spell that has (V), rather then just all spells in general. But then, I already think that (V) should be utterly impossible to forfill while you have a weapon in your mouth, as the core Pathfinder rules say this:
"To cast a spell with a verbal (V)
component, your character must speak in a firm voice."
There is no way you could meet those requirements with an object in your mouth.]

Page 66:

Antean

Size becomes Large.
Reach remains 5ft.


Probably best to replace it with the full text from the Tribes of Everglow book:

Large: Anteans are Large creatures and take a –1 size penalty to their AC, a –1 size penalty on attack rolls, a
+1 bonus on combat maneuver checks and to their CMD, and a –4 size penalty on Stealth checks. An antean
takes up a space that is 10 feet by 10 feet and has a reach of 5 feet.

Page 68 Feats:

Echoing[combat]

Prerequisite: Ghost Pony, Six hit dice

Should simply be defined as Character level 6, unless there is some reasoning for this specification.

Large Fate

character is not capitalized.


Also, it is of note that on this page all the feat prerequisites spell it "Ghost Pony" but in every other race in this book.(and in the other books from what I have checked) the 2nd word in the name is never capitalized.(Aka, Ghost pony, Phoenix wolf) As such I will assume this to be an error.

Page 72 Liabilities:

There have been unbound that caused trouble, though many are good, if worrying, neighbors.

Just as with the way that the "Earth-" was on page 10 the way the picture cuts into the middle of the sentence is awkward.

Page 73:

+1 bonus to
Bluff, Sense
Motive, and
Knowledge
(local) checks.
This replaces
the first level
bonus feat.

The horseshoe used to denote each of the skills in that list is placed one row too low(being on the row with "Bluff, Sense")

Also, on this page and page 74 we have another case of "Sun Pony" having the 2nd word capitalized in the Prerequisite sections for Feats.

As a note, while not technacly an error, this book has two Feats with very similare names. The Phoenix Wolf have "Sun Kiss" while the Sun Pony have "Sun Kissed". They do work very differently and the names make sense in both cases, so maybe this really isnt a problem, but I just wanted to note it because I know it has tripped me up before.

Page 77: At the very top of the page, this text is carried over from the previous page but obviously the formatting is messed up.


Freedom to Roam should be moved onto the next line so it doesn't awkwardly start the section just before the half page mark.

(At this point I am not currently reading everything in depths because a lot of this is fluff and not the kind of thing I am good at correcting)

Page 103: Formatting issue once more where at the top of the page the sentence goes across the whole page, and then it turns into a two column text after a few lines.

Page 105: Another case of formatting issue, the first paragraph after "Before Empire" is too far left, laying into the horseshoe. This(I think at least its what caused it) also messes up all the other horseshoes so they are never aligned with the beginning of each section.

Same thing happens after "Height of the Empire"

Page 106: Same thing happened after "After the Empire"

Page 108:
There is an inconsistency between the Flight Apple entry here and the way it is described earlier in the book under the Town Cloud Acres. As an item it says to give flight for 5 min, in the description of the town it says that they give flight for up to 4 hours a day. Not sure if the change was for balance reason but it is stills strange that the two are so vastely different.


Page 109:

Curiosity's Lightening Wall

Effect: wall 20ft../level long
(The issue is the two dots, should only be 1)

Page 110:

Hepling Hand

Target: Quadruped Touched

Being that Quadruped is no longer the Feat used I would argue that targeting it is a little awkward. Also, I tried to find any other spell in the Ponyfinder setting that targets Quadruped/Four-Legged specifically(as a whole, not some subgroup of them), and I could not. So I am not sure if there is a better term, I associate Quadruped with the trait, so I would rather say Four-Legged Touched, or just remove the restriction as a whole.

Page 114:
Deeptide Horse:

AC 19, touch 12, flat-footed 17
(+1 Dex, +7 natural)

Needs to have the +1 from Dodge. It took me AGES to figure out where the AC came from and then even longer to find a monster to check if Dodge would be denoted there, I found this: http://www.d20pfsrd.com/bestiary/monste ... elemental/
I will assume that it is correct because this makes sense, and because finding monsters with dodge is way too frustrating a task.


I made a list of all the cases where Quadruped or a form of it was used during the book. But after much consideration and looking into later books I find no reason to post it as the uses are generally focused more on the meaning of the word, rather then in reference to the Trait. This is book does use it a lot more then later books though.

Alright, I think I am finally done. I am sure I made some mistakes here and there, and missed many a thing that I should have caught, but I am sure at least some of these were useful.

I am considering looking at it again in a broad sense tomorrow, and seeing if I can compile a list of unofficial erratas that people have pointed out, but I will decide then and for now need sleep. (Webside almost ate my post... what a scary moment that was)

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David
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Re: Revised Core Book

Postby David » Thu Jan 18, 2018 12:33 pm

Ok, you're serious about this. Would you like direct access to the work document? Then you can plug in changes directly.

Sapare
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Re: Revised Core Book

Postby Sapare » Thu Jan 18, 2018 9:15 pm

I would be proud to continue to give my input. I have already looked at the doc and will do so more in the coming days. Thankyou for trusting me to help.

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David
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Re: Revised Core Book

Postby David » Thu Jan 18, 2018 10:57 pm

You have comment permission, so you can, and should, just make the corrections you think need be made. They will become suggestions to me to apply or deny. You can also leave questions in the form of comments.


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